descansa –
una palabra
lo resume todo
ahora ya no sufrirás
consuelo…
I won’t forget the months that felt like years
I won’t forget the days that felt like nights
I won’t forget the times I cried myself to sleep
I won’t forget the times I couldn’t cry nor sleep
I won’t forget the days it took me hours
to get up, get dressed, get fed
to do laundry, dishes, leave the house
I won’t forget the clouds
I won’t forget
I won’t
because even if I start feeling better, I won’t take it for granted
I’ll remember how far I’ve come
I’ll remember to breathe
I’ll remember to take my time
I’ll remember to count my blessings
I’ll remember to walk, to read, to write
I’ll remember the ones who knelt by my side
their calls, their messages, their hugs
all those little things that made us smile
I’ll remember the sun
I’ll remember
I will
For the third year in a row, I’ve looked at each day of my life as an episode in a sitcom with me being its main character and other special people starring in my adventures. Reading through the notebooks I filled this year, I’m once again so very grateful for all the moments I got to collect. One of my friends says my life resembles a rom-com. I sure get to cry all sorts of tears on a regular basis. See for yourselves.
The following are some of the many exceptional episodes I experienced throughout 2022:
seven roses
sent my way
telling me
you’re here
to stay
one for every year
we’ve come to know
each other
one for every time
we’ve grown
one for all the moments
we’ve laughed and cried
one for all the trips
we’ve taken
one for all the meals
we’ve shared
with excitement
one for all the talks
over the phone
sipping tea
one for all the missions
yet to accomplish
together
seven roses
sent my way
telling me
you’re here
to stay
i carry it around
like i would carry
a baby –
in one of those
chest straps
its feet dangling freely
its arms waving
at strangers
no matter how often
it hurts, breaks, sinks
i won’t drop it
i will keep holding
on to it
it beats a little faster
with every new
it’s learnt to choose
more carefully
but it will never stop
getting excited
about things,
people, places
that feel just right
i carry it around
like i would carry
a baby –
and i keep showing
and exploring
my world
i keep painting
a smile
on people’s faces
starting with my own
i carry it around
like i would carry
a baby –
a teenie tiny baby hope
that will one day
be fully grown
I recently graduated in Creative Writing. This study programme has been a fundamental part of my life for the past three years – a source of strength, inspiration and growth on so many levels. The final part of my studies consisted in writing a thesis. This project kept me busy for a whole year or even longer because I had the initial idea almost two years ago. I could (and eventually might) write a separate thesis (or an essay) about my personal experience throughout this process. But today, I feel like sharing the following list of things I learnt while working on my thesis:
- It’s rather about the process than about the product. Enjoy the ride. Everything else is secondary.
- If you know your love language, you can create your writing habits accordingly. Mine happens to be quality time and it’s true that my muse likes to be treated to breakfast, lunch, dinner, you name it and lots of coffee in between. Throughout the process (see #1) I took my writing project to all kinds of different places to create (culinary) experiences along the way.
- It’s helpful to work on the project for a few days in a row to keep the soup warm. Once you’ve warmed up on your topic, it’s easier to maintain a working routine (even if it’s just ten minutes a day) rather than investing lots of energy to warm it up again and again.
- Fake it till you make it. I know, this sounds so 2010 but it really worked for me. At some point, I went to the library for almost two weeks in a row (see #3) and pretended to be a student called “Anna” who was currently working on her Master thesis. Getting into character helped me take it all less seriously and have more fun in the process (see #1). It was like being the main character of my own life.
- Changing the writing spot on a regular basis can encourage new ideas. Apart from several restaurants and coffee houses (see #2) as well as the library (see #4), my character (see #4) crafted part of her thesis in trains, in a little cottage my mum uses as an office, at my sister’s in Hamburg, at the airport at 5 am, at a beach house in Italy. This was probably my favourite place to work because I enjoyed the after-work-programme and the in-between-snacks so much (see #2).
- I work best implementing the “step by step approach” and setting myself (small) daily goals.
- Those steps usually take longer than expected (at least twice as long). So it’s helpful to plan some buffer time and to reschedule as you go.
- Classical music helps me get into concentration mode. In fact, I’ve conditioned myself to only listen to Ludovico Einaudi’s music when I want to read or write. He’s become my muse’s best friend (see #2).
- Writing shitty drafts truly helps because most thinking takes place while writing and rewriting, at least in my case. If you feel stuck, try this exercise on your pc: Set the font colour to white (provided that the background of your document is white as well). Then set your alarm to five or seven or ten minutes and just type away. Without bothering about all the mistakes you might be making while writing. You can always edit later and select which parts of the text you’d like to keep and which ones you’d like to dismiss or rearrange. But at least you’ll have some text fragments to get you started.
- Taking breaks is important. Try dancing to your favourite song or going for a walk every so often. Also: Stay hydrated. I know, this sounds very 2021. But it helps.
- Taking sessions with writing tutors is a very helpful way to reflect on one’s process (see #1). Whenever I felt stuck, I highly valued having this kind of safe space where I could express my thoughts and feelings about my writing project. Having worked as a writing tutor myself, it was particularly interesting for me to get to know “the other perspective” as well.
- Asking for (specific) feedback from others can be useful, too, when it comes to revising your text or when you feel stuck.
- At some point, it’s ok to tell yourself that you don’t have to revolutionize the world with your project and that “a good enough thesis” will do as well.
- Use the resources at your disposal (time, sources, ideas, energy, motivation…) to finish that “good enough thesis”. You’ll always know better afterwards and you’ll then be able to write lists such as this one.
How about YOU? What have you learnt from working on an extended writing project? I’d love to read about your experience, if you feel like sharing it in the comment section.
You observe my writing. You make a joke about your cup of coffee. You tell me how my handwriting reminds you of your father’s – all neat and small. You tell me about how your mother fled her home town with your sister and yourself, when you were just a toddler. You ask me what kind of people I like to surround myself with. You’re the first person to ever ask me this precise question. You know how to catch my interest. You tell me about books and movies and people and places. You buy me coffee. You talk but you also know when to stop. You listen and make me feel heard. You make me feel special. You let me know the days and times you usually come here. You say you’d like to meet again.
Just when we’re about to leave, a man from the table next to ours hands me a piece of paper. It contains my portrait. I’d noticed him smiling and looking but I had no clue he’d been drawing me. I feel flattered. You tell me you can’t leave me alone with all these men. You say it in a fun way, not as a reproach or anything like that. The men at the next table ask if you’re my father. More like a grandpa, you say. They say they see the resemblance. We look at each other. We smile.
aNadventures 